I’m going to share my heart with you today and try to be as raw and vulnerable with you as possible.
It’s 2018. Almost 2019, which is crazy to me! We live in a day and age where social media is even more relevant than it ever has been before. People have very successful businesses online and almost everyone has some form of social media account. It’s truly amazing how we stay connected with people all over the world and feel so close with people that we have never even met before. I sometimes feel like I am BFF’s with some of my Instagram family.
Now as many positives as social media has, it also has some extreme lows as well. For instance, the big one for me is I used to care so much about what my followers saw of me. I had to get the perfect picture, with the perfect angle, and the perfect caption or it wasn’t going up. It was exhausting. I would always compare myself to this blogger or that random beautiful girl who I had no idea even who she was. Thinking her life was perfect. She had the perfect house. The perfect car. The most amazing boyfriend or husband. Adorable kids, and most of all she had the “perfect” body. Before I dive deeper into this tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this way.
But honestly, what even is the “perfect” body?! If you’ve been following me for quite some time now, you know that body image and body positivity is something that I have always struggled with. And to tell you the truth I think at some point in everyones life they struggle with this. When I was a size 00 right after college I thought I was so fat. WHAT. WAS. WRONG. WITH. ME?!
Well, that’s easy. Social media what was wrong with me. I wasn’t secure enough in my own skin to handle it. And let’s be honest, these girls I was comparing myself to, did in fact NOT have a perfect life. No one does. But as you all know, the grass is always greener on the other side. You know something funny. About two years ago I deleted all of my social media accounts for about 8 months. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever done. I found out who my real friends were. And I can honestly sit here and say that over those 8 months I fell more in love with myself than I had ever been. I made a pact to myself that when I did return to the cyber world that I was going to be real and relatable. I was going to be every bit me, and not care one single bit who thought what of me. You know why, because their opinion of me did not matter at all. What they thought of me did not change me and what I thought of myself.
Instagram stories is one of the best things that has happened to me. I’m fully aware of how ridiculous that sounds, but it is true. Insta stories have allowed me to open up and be myself over the internet and you know what… people love it. I know right?! I was shocked to. I started to get so many more followers every single day. I started to get so many messages saying that they loved my personality. Why did I hide myself for so long from the world? Why did I care what people from high school thought of me? Why? I may have thought that they were better than me back then, but today I don’t think that. I’m not saying that I think I’m better than them, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying that I am different. I am me. And no one can ever take that away from me.
Individuality is huge with social media today. Find something you are good at, brand yourself, and go be great at it. Don’t even think for a second what that person from 4th period English class from your senior year of high school is going to think or say about you. IT DOES NOT MATTER. They do not matter. YOU matter. You are so special and don’t let anyone dull your sparkle like I let people dull mine for so many years.
I have a sign in my office that I made that says “know your worth and then add tax”. That has been my motto over the past year. And it’s a pretty great motto if I do say so myself. As a flight attendant I work with so many different people every day and when we have spare time on the airplane we have what is called “jumpseat talk”. It’s basically where you sit on the flight attendant jumpseat and someone asks you 5 questions to get to know you as quickly as possible. One of the first questions that I always get asked is “are you married?” or “do you have a boyfriend?”. My response is always “no”. To which they respond “why not?” as if something is wrong with me. It used to make me so upset. For the past 4 years I have responded to that question with just a simple “no”. I would often get down on myself. That was until I changed my answer. I changed the way I thought about it. I switched my answer from a simple “no” to a “no, I am picky”. Just by adding those three words to the end of my no changed everyones response to me. Almost everyone now responds with “girl, I don’t blame you, I wish I was pickier.” You see, I know my worth. I’m not willing to settle for anything less than what I know in my heart I deserve. I’m not. I grew up with fantastic male figures in my life and they have shown me what a good man is. And until I find that one, my answer will be a “no”. But instead of it making me feel bad, it makes me feel proud.
Ladies, do you know your worth? Do you know how amazing you are? Do you know that someone out there follows you on social media and thinks the world of you. They think you are someone remarkable. And you know something, you are! You are a diamond that is constantly shinning in every direction when light hits it. You smiles lights up a room. And your body is perfect. It’s perfect because it’s you. And don’t you dare let anyone tell you differently.
I know what you’re all thinking. Why in the world would we listen to someone who has body image issues? Well, I have never loved my body more. I may not be a perfect size 00 anymore. I may get those mean direct messages asking me “how my eating disorder is going” or that I “look fatter than I used to”. Well you know what, those messages don’t bother me anymore, and they shouldn’t bother you either. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin that is all that matters.
I’ll leave you with this. If you were to die tomorrow, what do you want to be known for? What do you want your following to remember you for? And for all of you people out there saying to yourself that you don’t have a following, news flash, you do. 2018 has taught me to be unapologetically me. And it has also taught me the power of the “block” button 😉
I am Amanda Kay Amburgy. I’m someone special. I am strong, independent, sassy, flawed, witty, smart, caring. But most of all, I know that your opinion of me is not going to make or break me.
Amanda Kay Hoke 