Around the holidays, many people dread “the question”. This question is asked countless times throughout the day, and for many weeks throughout the year. It’s a topic of conversation that seems to be, well, just so easy to talk about. That is for people who this question doesn’t pertain to.
Now I bet you are all wondering what this question is. Well, here you have it, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Before you ask, because I know you are thinking it, why does this question well, suck? It stinks for many reasons:
One being, that if you are already feeling alone, it’s almost as if they are rubbing it in your face. They aren’t meaning to but it’s almost as if it’s like, “Oh you don’t have a boyfriend? What’s wrong with you?!”
Which leads me to my next point. When this question is asked you then start subconsciously reevaluating your life. It’s like you think to yourself, “Well, what IS wrong with me?! And what am I doing wrong?!”
Well I’m here to tell you to stop. Stop feeling like you need someone. Stop feeling like if you don’t have a boyfriend or someone to kiss at New Years your life is over. Just stop. Because I’ve finally had enough of “the question” and I’ve realized that a guy will never be enough to make you completely happy.
So with that being said, here is why I’m NOT dreading “the question” this holiday season…
- I have an answer. Now that may sound weird but that’s exactly it. I have an answer for when people ask me why I don’t have one. And that puts a smile on my face. It puts a smile on my face because this answer is so cliche, but it is the honest truth and I actually believe it for myself now. “I just simply haven’t found the right person to invest my time into yet.”
- It’s okay. Who in the world ever said that if I didn’t have a serious boyfriend at 21 I would be dying alone? No one. Well ya people do say that but they are wrong. Society doesn’t tell you who you are, you tell society who you are. And it’s okay if you don’t know who that is. And it’s okay if you don’t know who you’re meant to be with? Goodness, I know people in their 30’s who are still waiting for “the one” and honestly that is perfectly fine.
- I’m NOT willing to settle. This is why I always jokingly tell people that I think guys are intimidated by me. I know what I want out of life, and I am in no way willing to accept anything less. I used to joke about it and laugh about it because that was my way to cover up the fact that I was hurt by it. Today, I joke about it because I genuinely think it’s funny. Yes, guys may be intimated by me, and that’s okay. They are intimidated because they know I know what I want. And honestly ladies, I don’t want that guy in my life. If he is scared to commit or if he is scared because you are driven, RUN! You need someone who makes you want to be more driven. You need someone who still may be intimidated by you, but that’s what attracts them to you. Intimidation is good, and the “right” guy will make that evident to you.
- I’m more secure in my own skin. This one has taken a long time. And truthfully I’m not 100% secure in it yet, but I honestly don’t think that anyone is. I mean, even the Kardashians speak out about their self esteem issues. But the key to this one is, I’ve realized that I don’t need a guy to make me who I am. I have way too much going for me for anyone to take that away from me. And I now know that a guy doesn’t define you. A relationship doesn’t make you who you are. And sometimes when a person is asking you why you don’t have a boyfriend they are just trying to put you down to make themselves feel better.
- And lastly, I am HAPPY! I am so content with my life right now. I often tell people that I’m in love with my career. I absolutely love what I do. I love to work. I have THE BEST friends in the world. I honestly have a hard time fitting everything into my schedule now that I have a hard time imagining adding someone else to the mix. That would just be difficult. But when the right person comes along, it won’t feel like I have to rearrange my whole schedule. Things will just fall into place. But what I’ve realized over the past year is you will never be happy with someone else if you truly aren’t happy with yourself. I have always been queen of giving that advice to my friends over the past 5 years. I just never practiced what I was preaching. But it is so true. You can NEVER rely on someone else for your happiness, because they will never make you fully happy. Only you can control your happiness. People will always let you down, but its up to you on how you let it affect you.
With all of that being said, when people ask me if I’m in a relationship or why I don’t have a boyfriend, I explain a short version of these things to them. And I do so with a smile on my face. Because I finally believe what I’m saying. I don’t need anyone. Yes, don’t get me wrong, I want to find the one. But I have given it up to God. When I least expect it it will happen. And it will happen for you too. God has an amazing plan for your life. It’s just all about how you use it. Find your purpose, and what he has intended for you and all of the puzzle pieces will come together. It has started to for me.
But if you hear nothing else from me today, just know this, you are amazing. And a guy shouldn’t define you. And most importantly, stop letting society define you. Who made these rules? Absolutely no one. You are your own person. And your time will come. So be a happier version of you so when that guy does come, it will be even more special.
xoxo,
Amanda Kay
Amanda Kay Hoke 