Full disclosure. I wrote this title before even writing the blog post itself so I have no idea where this is going. But hey, sometimes I just feel inspired and roll with it. You know what I mean? 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve taken some time off from the whole writing thing. Life has been so busy lately but let me tell you, I am so happy. I feel like everything is finally starting to fall into place. It’s such a beautiful feeling.
I’m sitting here, on a bumpy plane ride thinking about how far I’ve come in my short 25 years of life. I have so much more I want to accomplish and experience but let me tell you. I’m pretty dang proud of myself.
That’s a big thing for me to say too. You see, I used to be the most insecure, secure person. Like what does that even mean? Here, I’ll tell you…
I used to care so much about what other people thought about me that I would actually “dull my sparkle” so that I didn’t stick out. I have a big personality. I’m a very tall person. I don’t meet a stranger. And I love people BIG. To some this is intimidating. Why? I don’t know, but it is. We live in a world where people are so fixed on themselves they can’t stand it if someone is “more” than them.
See, I’ve never been that type of person. I want other people to be the best version of themselves that they possibly can be. I want someone to be better at something than me. You know why? Because I want to be better. I want someone to push me, test me, and throw me out of my comfort zone sometimes. I want to evolve. This probably goes hand and hand with my competitive nature but I’m okay with it.
Butttt… I didn’t always show this side of me. To be quite honest I would often times hide it so that others didn’t see this as a cocky thing. When I was younger I had a boyfriend that was so jealous of me it was insane. Looking back on it now it’s crazy to me how long we actually dated for. I used to care so much about what he thought. To the point that I would sometimes let him win the game we were playing or purposely not be my full self at an event we were at. This my friends is not how it is supposed to be.
It took me a while to actually fall in love with myself and fully understand who I was for me to be fully confident in myself. I’ve always been confident per-say but it was a tentative confident. It was the kind that I knew I was good at certain things and felt semi comfortable in my own skin but I never wanted to show that side of me to the public because I didn’t want to make other people feel less than.
Baby, let me tell you something. Do not ever let someone make you feel like you can not be your full and authentic self. Imagine a world where everyone was the same… HOW BORING WOULD THAT BE?!
Now with all of that being said here’s 5 things I wish I would have told my 20 year old self.
- Ditch him. Leave him high and dry. Do not let anyone make you feel this way. He is not worth it. They are not worth it. But you pretty girl are worth it. You are enough. And you will one day realize your worth. This too shall pass.
- Grow. Personal development is huge. You are not the best version of you. Each day wake up wanting to be better than yesterday. You are great, but imagine how it would make you feel if you were always trying to be better? Trust me. You’ll thank me later.
- Numbers mean nothing. I’ve talked about this before but the more friends you have does not mean the better off you are. You will realize one day that the quality of friends is a whole lot better than the quantity. Trust me, I know it will be hard to tell them to hit the road, but you will feel a lot better about you once you put you first.
- Smiling doesn’t cover up the pain. I know I know. You love to smile. But it’s okay to show a sad side too. Not every day is perfect and it’s okay to show emotion. It’s okay to let people in. And it’s most certainly okay to cry sometimes. Crying doesn’t show that you are weak. Just don’t be a cry baby babe.
- Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. You are too amazing to let anyone tell you differently. Show people that light from within and they will want to follow you. They will look up to you. And they will forever be cheerleaders on your team. You have a heart of gold. Let other people see that and show Him through you.
My oh my. If I would have know all of this back then my story might have been a little bit different. But here’s the thing. I’m glad my story looks the way it does. It’s made me who I am today. It’s made me appreciate so much more what I have today. And it’s made me realize that I deserve so much more.
So pretty girl. Or handsome boy! Whoever may be reading this, just know this… You are loved. You are enough. And you are perfectly made. Do not let anyone tell you differently. You have way too much to offer the world for you to not be your authentic self.
I love you.
Xoxo, Amanda Kay
Amanda Kay Hoke 